School Project Schwarz
by Air Guardian
Summary: Now that Omi's done with his tortu-er, project, it's time for Nagi to present his analyzation of his 'family'. The class is doomed. *cackle*


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School Project Schwartz

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz or any other weird thing that happens to pop up.

AN: Kind of a sequel to School Project Weiss. Ack! The pressure! X_x How come I never get that many reviews for my longer fics, eh? Kitty Hazard?

Warning: SchuldichxCrawford, hinted NagixOmi and some FarfiexSchuldich

~*~

"Nagi, you're up" The teacher drummed her fingers impatiently as Nagi searched for his tape.

The whole school was supposed to do this project on their families and analyze the behaviors. Of course, for Nagi, he had to do Schwartz.

However, unlike Omi's, Nagi's grade had a theme. It was called "Broaden Your Aspects of Life." It encouraged them to express their family fully.

Poor, poor class. [[*evil cackle*]]

Nagi finally found it and walked up to the front and popped in the video tape.

While rewinding, he explained this family. "I really don't have much of a family and some of you may know I live with three guys called Crawford, Schuldich, and Farfarello. Because the topic is "Broaden Your Aspects of Life", I must first warn you that Crawford and Schuldich areGAY."

There was silence as Nagi shot everyone a deathglare.

"Got a problem? No? Good. Lets begin."

Nagi pressed the play button.

~Key~

Italics- Nagi still in classroom****

Bold- sound effects

Normal- everything else

~*~

__

The normal weekday usually starts off at seven am but I was taping this on Saturday. We usually start the day off at ten but some times, eariler. Why? You'll see pretty soon.

The camcorder was obviously floating in the air as Nagi and Farfie appeared, having breakfast.

Actually, Farfie was sticking his knife through oranges and seeing how much the orange could take before breaking apart. Then, he would proceed to the next orange. Nagi was buttering a toast and looking at the clock.

"9:59," Nagi muttered.

Farfie looked up.

"Tick-tock," the Irish psychopath said back.

Three

Bingo.

** Slam!**

"BRADDDDDLLLLEEEEEYYYYY!! YOU BASTARD!" Then Schuldich proceeded in cursing at Crawford in German.

"Shut up Schuldich."

The camcorder swung to the opening of the stairs where the sound of two men walking down could be heard.

"But—"

"It just is."

"But HOW CAN YOUR MORNING CUP OF COFFEE BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?!?!"

"It just is."

Crawford was the first to emerge, wearing black work pants and a plain white shirt. His hair was slightly messed up.

Then

"NO!" That was Nagi. The bishounen quickly dropped the camera.

See, that was when Schuldich came in. And knowing the perverted German, Schu just had to make an entrance with a bang.

A bang meaning that he was nude.

"SCHULDICH!!!!"

"What is it chibi?"

Nagi glared at him. (But you couldn't see it.) "You knew I was recording! PUT SOMETHING ON!!"

"Why should I? A birdy chirped that you were doing something on personality! I like to express myself fully! Ta-da!"

There was a gagging noise.

"Nudity hurts God." We all know who said that.

"Schuldich, put some pants on."

There was a silence and Schu could have poutedbut we don't know because Nagi refused to tape any hentai material.

"Fine Bradley." Footsteps were heard and the camcordor came back into focus.

Nagi was glaring at Crawford. "You saw that."

"No, I didn't."

"Liar."

"What?" There was a dangerous edge.

"Ermwant some coffee?"

__

and now, I will start describing each member. We'll start with Crawford, who is the oldest. Btw, if you're confused, Schuldich only calls Crawford by Bradley because it annoys the hell outta him. Anyway, Crawford seems to be very obsessed with his work. Sowe take a look on what he's REALLY doing on his computer

You see Nagi kneeling on the ground with his eyes shut. He's obviously trying to unlock Crawford's twenty, ridiculously isane door locks.

But Nagi's determination obviously proved that Crawford needed to get more locks.

Finally, the door snapped open. Nagi cautiously walked in. Crawford had gone to do his daily riutal.

A walk to Starbucks.

Anyway, back to the point. The camcorder looked around the room. Several strange things appeared.

A shrine to coffee!

Strange underwear! Nagi had a sickening feeling that it belonged to Schuldich.

A laptop that was still on!

Nagi cackled evilly while slidding into Crawford's seat. The camcorder floated in front of the screen.

"Lets see" Nagi's eyes bugged out. "Fiction stories?!?! ROMANCE?! DRAMA?! WRITTEN BY BRADLEY CRAWFORD?!?!?!?! LOVE IS PARADISE?! A TALE OF THE DOVES?!?!"

The chibi felt a heart attack coming on. "My brain is too young for this!!!"

Nagi ran out with the camcorder following him.

__

ignore my overreation thereanyway, Crawford seems to be a secret romantic inside. When he sees this tape, he will shoot me. That brings up my next topic. Firearms. He seems to have a secret passion for them

"Bradley, we need to talk," Schuldich said as he sat down on Crawford's desk with his legs crossed.

Crawford took out a gun. "Don't call me that."

Schuldich blinked. He didn't need to read his mind to know that his "sweety's" mind was not on him or his legs.

"I don't think our"

Crawford aimed the gun at the back target.

"relationship is going the way it should"

He fired. 

Schuldich flinched. "I mean, I deserve much more attention"

Crawford fired again.

"and much more sex..."

And again.

"but you're still really good in bed"

Again.

Schuldich kept on flinching. "Would you stop that!?!"

Crawford blinked. "Were you saying something?"

Silence. Schuldich's eyebrow twitched. Finally, the telepath grabbed the gun and threw it out the window.

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF –beep- -beep- -beeeeeeeeeeeeeep-" Schuldich screamed at Crawford both verbally and mentally. {But we couldn't hear his thoughts.)

Crawford blinked as Schuldich stomped out of his office. "What the hell was that?"

Nagi was tembling inside the bathroom near the office. The camcorder was behind the big statue of the coffee mug and Nagi had just heard the whole thing.

__

so now we move on to Schuldich. As I hope most of you guys noticed, Schu is quite a sex addict and ecchi. But there's also something really weird that I have to emphasishis name. Yeah, his name. Schuldich. It means guilty in Germanbut how do you really say it? Here's what happened in some store a couple of days ago. I just happened to have my camcorder on when this happened.

The scene takes place in those small grocery stores where they sell just about everything but clothes and TVs. Schuldich is browsing through the magazine section, probably looking for some hentai stuff. Crawford is looking through the stock market section of the newspaper section while Farfie is scaring the hell outta everyone because he keeps on shouting LETS ALL HURT GOD TOGETHER!". Nagi seems to be the only one shoppingother than the fact that everyone is avoiding him because there's a camcorder floating above his head.

The list was finished and Nagi turned to everyone and shouted, "Lets go."

Schuldich put back the magazine when a little girl ran up to him*.

The other three members of Schwartz blinked and watch how the German would handle this.

"Mister, what's your name?"

Schuldich blinked. This was strange. Searching her mind, he only found thoughts on lollipops and dolls. Surely it wouldn't hurt to tell her.

The girl's mom came up to him. "Now, Meiko, don't bother that gentleman."

Nagi snickered.

Meiko just kept on staring at Schuldich.

"Uhmy name is Schuldich."

"Shoe ditch?"

Schu's eyebrow twitched. Nagi's snicker continued to grow louder and Crawford was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"No, Schul-dich."

"Schuldick?"

"WHAT?!" That came from both the mom and the German.

"HOW DARE YOU TEACH MY DAUGHTER BAD WORDS!" The mother started hitting Schuldich with her purse.

"ITAI!" The German quickly grabbed the now laughing-his-ass-off Nagi, Farfarello, and Crawford, and ran out of the store.

"HEY!" the store manager shouted. "You have to pay for that stuff!"

"OH SCREW YOU!!!" The German shouted back.

__

Yes, his name is so confusing, we almost got arrested. Anyway, the point I would like to point out is that Schuldich can be a hpyocrite sometimes. Lets take this next scene as an example.

Sneak, sneak, sneak. ~ That's Schuldich.

Float, float, float. ~ That's the camcorder.

Sneak, sneak, **SMACK**! ~ That's Schuldich slamming into Farfie.

"Farfie? What are you doing?"

"Looking for ways to hurt God."

"I should have known better than to ask. I'm going to take a shower, so please step out of the way." The last part was sarcasticthe please', that is.

"What? You are?" Farfie sounded almost delighted. "I am too! Take one with me!"

"WHAT!?"

The sound of some one being muffled is heard as Farfie slammed the bathroom door shut. The camcorder did not wander in because of the sake of Nagi and the rest of the school's sanity.

"ACK! FARFIE!! GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!!!!"

"Taking showers together hurts God"

__

I mean, Schuldich would jump into the tub with Crawford anytime. So why not Farfie? Of course, it could be that Farfarello is insane

Once again, the camcorder is floating above Nagi's head as the chibi is walking around, looking for a good scene. As Nagi walks closer to the kitchen he hears Farfieapparently talking to some one.

"I don't know"

Silence.

"It's just thatit's so sudden"

Silence.

"I don't know if I can take on such a serious relationship"

Silence.

"I have to check with everyone"

Nagi, hearing this, quickly ran to the kitchen door and peered inside.

And facefaulted.

Sure, Farfarello was talking.

"but I'm sure we can work something out"

"Farfie?"

The Irishman glanced up at the sound of Nagi's voice.

"why are you discussing these things with a cheese grater?"

__

Of coursethere's that obsession of hurting God, but since a lot of you here are porbably worshippers of God, I won't go into that. So basically, we don't get along at all. Nice family, eh? But they're the only people I got so I should make the best of itor at least TRY.

"What are you doing?" Schuldich asked as Nagi quickly shut down his IM window. "Ahhcybering?"

"Hentai," Nagi hissed.

It was probably some time late at night and the camcorder was resting on the table, slightly facing upwards. However, you could not see the laptop's screen.

"So you are?"

"NO!"

"SCHULDICH!!" That would be Crawford. "WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?!!"

The German pouted. "Well, MR. STICK-SHOVED-WAAAYYYY-UP-MY-ASS, if you weren't being so obsessed with you GUN, you would know!!!"

"You took it didn't you??"

Nagi put his hands to his ears. "Would you two quit arguing? At least argue at a close distance."

Schu just smirked and whispered, "Tell Omi I said have fun'."

"Huh? HEY! Stop reading my mind!!!!!!"

"Cybering hurts God." Three guesses on who said that. The first two don't count.

"I'M NOT CYBERING!!"

While Nagi was glaring at the Irish, voices were heard in the other room.

"WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?!?!"

""

"Schuldich" It was in a dangerous tone.

"do you really want to know?"

"YES."

"They're down my pants."

""

Then, the camcorder fuzzled out.

~*~

There was silence as Nagi took out the tape and sat back down. However, no one looked at him. They were still too preoccupied at looking at the blank screen.

The teacher crossed herself before saying, "That was nice Nagi. Umwho's next?"

~*~

_ How was school?_

Nagi glared at Schuldich who was lying on the couch, lazily. "Why do you care?"

The German shrugged. "By the way, Brad said that you got an A on your report. It was because the teacher was too scared to give you anything lower."

""

He grinned wickedly. "My nudity really had that effect, eh?"

"Shut up."

Owari~

*It's taken from the never-published-sequel-to-Kitty Hazard.


End file.
